Here’s a new limerick challenge for you. Your word this week is
PUZZLE
Last week’s word was LAND. Here are your limericks:
Nicola Daly:
So excited about playing in a band
I thought I’d help the pilot to land
Only it backfired you see
Now we’re bobbing in the sea –
We were meant to land, over there, on the sand!
Landing a Limerick
Though to fly might be fine I’ll just stand
where my feet feel the firmness of land.
I’ll leave flying to birds
or a limerick’s words
which don’t care – though they should – how they land.
Susan Batten:
"Well, this," said Magellan’s brave band,
"is not what we think he had planned,
for we can’t round the Cape
in our perilous shape.
There’s no ocean, just acres of land!"
Kim Smyth:
There once was a large patch of land
Designated for holiness in the sand
A temple was planned
Then built by His hand
And very soon, the temple will be manned.
Squirreljan:
The old biddy from Bath surveyed the grassy land
As she held a kid’s catapult in her right hand
Which she pinged as the golfers passed
But then fell flat on her large arse
And now from the golf club she is forever banned
To like or dislike this post is completely left up for you to say
But in the meantime I want to tell Ivor HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY
In the corner of my mind, something kept trying to bloom
A rich response left here from the peaceful-threads loom
In the land of WordPress I hope this challenge answer is okay
Graeme Sandford:
There once was a Limerick bland,
that was plain like a desert of sand,
it had no cool part,
and it’s end was its start;
There once was a Limerick bland.
Murray Clarke:
My great uncle Albert once purchased some land.
He got it cheap - cost him less than a grand.
He was tall and handsome
And wanted to build a mansion,
But then found out that planning consent was banned!
If I had the right to command
The powers that be in this land,
The rich would no more
Grind the lives of the poor
Into dust in the palm of their hand.
Rall:
at an auction she accidentally put up her hand
ended up buying some very cheap land
it was not good for anything much
the consequenence of being a soft touch
so she donated it to a down and out brass band
The Afterlove Voice:
There once was a traveller named Land,
Who carried a map in each hand.
He wandered for days,
Through curious ways—
Then smiled, “Getting lost wasn’t planned!”
Pictures Imperfect Blog:
A plunging Limerick
A girl called Alice in Wonderland
Considered herself to be rather grand.
But she was so boring
that people kept snoring
unless she showed them her mammary gland.
Cathy Cade:
Angling for a Match
On “Plenty of Fish” she was led
to believe he had plenty of bread.
A baker, it turned out,
not a wealthy old trout.
She landed a tiddler instead.
A risky venture might not go as planned
And if your great plan gets out of hand
Hedge your bet –
Don’t work without a net…
Make sure you have a safe place to land!
The Stargazing Sailor
There was a sailor quite grand,
Who dreamed of discovering new land,
He followed the stars,
Past Jupiter and Mars,
But laughed when he docked at the bandstand.
Teleportingweena:
An ostrich was king of the land
But he hid his head in the sand
And though eating the dirt
Would ultimately hurt
People still honored him with a band
***
There was a novelty act called Band (y)
The music they played was just dand (y)
A joke that they told
Was really silly and old
It didn’t land, but people still laughed at the star called Rand (y)
Make a New Plan
There once was a farmer who played in a band
But his guitar solo didn’t go exactly as planned
The band was a flop
He decided to stop
And return to farming the land
Stanley finally took her hand
She was the fairest in the land
The beach wedding stunk
The crowd all got drunk
And the wind covered all in sand.
Boomcha:
Land, Briefly
There once was a drifter who planned
To settle on one patch of land.
He pitched his small tent,
But the stakes never went,
And the wind sent him off like it planned.
John W. Howell:
There once was a fellow named Bland,
Who paid for a trip to the sand.
While on the plane,
Not one seat did remain.
So they let him stand till they land
Pensitivity101:
He looked at the back of his hand
As the butterfly started to land,
With flutter of colour
A minute of wonder
He thought ‘Nature is grand!’
Lou by the Sea:
Self sufficiency
There was an aristocrat named Cath
Who married the old biddy from Bath
She owned her own land
So took Biddy by the hand
Saying “Let’s grow food, sunshine and laughs.”
Mark Fraidenburg:
There once was a woman so grand,
Who dreamed of a cottage and land.
With a garden out back,
And a creek down the track,
She found peace where her footprints would stand.
Pete Springer:
“Get over here now!” came the boss’s command.
“Cool your jets, no need to demand.”
“What did you say?” was his terse reply.
I instantly knew I had to comply.
“Be there soon, don’t wanna get canned.”
He took off before he had planned
Before he had learned how to land
Yet he’d heard of a rule
Not to run out of fuel
For reasons he’d soon understand
It was more than his poor heart could stand
His aorta began to expand
His feet left the floor
And he leaped out the door
Leaving the aircraft unmanned
By now he was screaming out loud As his plane disappeared in a cloud And standing below Wouldn’t you know? Was a gathering boisterous crowd
The crowd continued expanding He wished he had tried for a landing He longed for his wife And his beautiful life His mother in law not withstanding
The scene down below grew much nearer His options increasingly clearer He would cushion his fall And land on them all His wife was so close he could hear her
The land rising up just to meet him Gravity trying to beat him Now a terrible choice For that WAS his wife’s voice She was waiting down there just to greet him
Hit the ground with a terrible splat
Landing on top of her hat
And under the sun
They both lay as one
The finish. The end. That is that.
John McGuiggan:
Ee’s from’t North, tha knows
Ee’s just an ordinary northern bloke
Oh aye, mebe ee’s a bit woke
Bur ee’s still from’t north yer know
Oh I know,
he voted fer that there war in Iraq
But that wer ages ago
Way back
‘is mam wore clogs yer know
An’ is dad had whippets ‘an played trumpet in’t town band
And they had an allotment yer know
their own little bit of the North,
their own little bit of land.
He’s from’t North, yer knows
Oh, ee’l do grand
Blind Wilderness:
A man who bought some land
Got rather more than he’d planned
The land had a ghost
Who played the Last Post
And he died at the bugle’s command
Treehugger:
My dream was to purchase some land,
The advert looked positive and grand.
The site proved treacherous,
The salesman was lecherous.
Not at all the dream I had planned.
The Elephant's Trunk:
The Fool
A foolish landlubber named Brand
Tried walking on water to land
He sank like a stone
With a wet muffled grown
Now he’s strictly a fan of dry sand
M.A.D. Works:
A wanderer set out to explore the land,
With maps that were drawn by his own shaky hand.
He tripped on a root,
Declared it “a brute,”
And blamed all his woes on the way the trees stand.
Olaf Sturlasson's Poetry Corner:
A rancher who owned lots of land
Near the old Rio Grande
Had touble with rustlers
And all kinds of hustlers
Cheating him with sleight of hand
Jen and her Cats:
Unsure of where the joke would land,
the comic took matters in hand.
He sought to go viral
but, sucked in a spiral,
he flopped. “That did not go as planned.”
***
Esther Chilton 
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