I Need Your Help!

Some of you may remember that last year, I put a call out for your thoughts on the blurb for my partner’s crime novel. Your responses were so helpful in him deciding upon the final words for the back cover of Borderline.

He’s been working on the second book in series, Renegade, and once again would really appreciate your help. For anyone who does take the time to give their input, he’d like to say his thanks by giving you a copy of the ebook. Or, if you’ve not read Borderline, you can have that instead.

Here are the blurbs he’d welcome your thoughts on:

Blurb One

When you don’t trust the police, should you trust a Cowboy?

When Rand Scott’s past comes calling, it couldn’t be worse timing

A police investigation is going nowhere and a grieving wife wants answers

It should be a straightforward job, but life isn’t as simple as that.

Animal rights activists and farmers are a bad combination at the best of times

And farms aren’t the only places to keep livestock

Blurb Two

If the past is a foreign country, the present is a rogue state

There’s never a good time for bad news and Rand Scott isn’t a happy bunny

An old flame, a dead animal rights activist and a half-hearted police investigation are just the start

Then there are the people he thought he’d never see again – and they have questions

But words aren’t the only things that are brutal

And farms aren’t the only places to keep livestock

Blurb Three

If you don’t trust the police, there’s only one place to go

The death of an old acquaintance drags Rand Scott back to a life he left behind a long time ago.

A police investigation is going nowhere and a grieving wife wants answers

Putting minds at rest should be easy and it gets him away from the city

But factory farms and animal rights activists can be a sensitive combination

And Rand soon discovers a world where violence is the only common language

Blurb Four

When you don’t believe the police, turn to the Cowboy

When Rand Scott’s past comes calling, it couldn’t come at a worse time

An old flame is looking for help, and he’s not the only one that thinks it’s a bad idea

Still, it gets him away from the city for a while

But factory farms and animal rights activists are a bad combination at the best of times

And Rand soon discovers just how brutal life in the country can be

Blurb Five

When the past comes calling, it’s the present that suffers

An old flame, a dead animal rights activist and a half-hearted police investigation are not what Rand Scott was looking for

But they’re enough to take him away from the city and back to a life he’d left behind

A chance to put right his wrongs

As he starts to poke around, though, he uncovers a lot more than he expected

And soon finds out just how brutal life in the country can be

Blurb Six

When the past comes calling, it’s the present that suffers

When Rand Scott gets an opportunity to drop even further off the radar, he gets more than he bargained for

An old flame, a dead animal rights activist and a half-hearted police investigation are just the start

Then there are the people he thought he’d never see again – and they have questions

This rural idyll can be brutal

Especially when Rand discovers farms aren’t the only places to keep livestock

***

48 responses to “I Need Your Help!”

  1. personally, I prefer Blurb 3, I have not the feel for the mention of cowboys or bunnies.

    Blurb 3 brought me in, whereas the others made me less keen.

    Grae 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The line ‘Putting minds at rest should be easy and it gets him away from the city’ might need a little work – IMHo – it feels a little weak.

    Grae 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Graeme. Thanks for your comments. As you’ll probably have gathered, these are ideas I’ve been playing around with and wasn’t quite happy about, so feedback like this is really useful.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are very welcome, Graeme. Graeme 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you for your feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always welcome. Grae 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Last one for me. I’d be hinting for this, keeping it vague. tempting, so mentioning phrases like “the past” and “the present” are tantalysing.
    With “An old flame, a dead animal rights activist and a half-hearted police investigation are just the start”, I’d be tempted to keep that more vague too, e.g. “An old flame, a mutilated corpse and a half-hearted investigation are just the start”. Provided it *was* mutilated, of course 🤣. It’s a bit less exciting if it were just crumpled in a heap!
    Fair play for getting onto the next novel so quickly, It takes me a good six months to write a novel and even that is with quite a firm plot. I guess it’s easier if you have established characters, but I normally need a break from mine after 6 months.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. half-hearted ->botched? bungled?

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Thank you for taking the time to read them.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Thanks for the comments, Mister Bump. So far, I think you’re the only one to go for the last one – but I quite like it, and there’s time yet for others to comment. I suspect whichever one I go for will end up having elements nicked from others anyway. The body is probably mutilated, but it’s the manner of the death that’s more interesting. I’ll consider whether there’s a better way of including it.

      As for me getting on with it so quickly, in practice, there has been a draft of it for about 2 years, as had been the case with Borderline, so I can’t in all conscience claim to be a fast writer!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha! I must admit I get mine to a point where I think “finished” and let go, get on with the next. But I suppose there’s nothing to stop me going back to the manuscript, just for perfection’s sake. I do generally find that by the time I finished editing, I’m pretty sick of them and glad to take a break. The returns are definitely diminished by then 🤣
        Yeah, I think the main thrust of these blurbs is “this is what you’ll get hen you open the cover”. But also, “I’m not gonna let you know exactly until you *do* open the cover”. Good luck! Pete

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Personally, I think they are too long-winded. I’d go for something along these lines … as Cowboys are commercially hot in contemporary, the word may draw the eye of crime readers, too.

    If you don’t trust the police, why trust a Cowboy?

    A police investigation is going nowhere, a grieving wife wants answers, and for Rand Scott, it couldn’t be worse timing. It should be a straightforward job, but his past comes calling, and farms aren’t the only places to keep livestock.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for reading them, Glynis. Much appreciated ❤️

      Like

    2. Thanks, Glynis. Hope you are well. I understand where you’re coming from about the length. As it happens, when we went through this process last year with Borderline, some of the original blurbs were longer still. The end result was a similar length to these and in this format. As it’s a series, I thought I’d stick with the same format for the sake of continuity. Won’t rule out a change, though, so your comments will go into the melting pot.

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  5. dutifullydeer6ab803ea0e Avatar
    dutifullydeer6ab803ea0e

    Dear Esther,

    I’d be glad to give an opinion (you know me!) but this isn’t something I can do off the cuff. Is Graeme looking for a “best of six” view, or is he considering changes to the wording?

    I have my red pen ready. Just let me know.

    Best wishes,

    Susan

    Liked by 2 people

    1. These are just ideas and certainly not the finished blurb. He’s open to ideas and changes.

      Like

    2. Thanks, Susan. As Esther has said, I’m open to ideas. The format used (a tag line followed by five other lines) is what was used for Borderline and, as it’s a series, it made sense to me to follow the same formula. That aside, the reason this is going out is because I like to get feedback and will consider all comments. Inevitably, some will be dismissed, but only because you can’t please everybody. So, if you feel an urge, I’ll be interested to read your thoughts. I am aiming to put together a final version by the end of the coming weekend so, if you don’t have time to do it before then, I wouldn’t want you to waste your time.

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  6. I like blurb five best, and then blurb three. I think they capture the essence of the book better and make it attractive to people.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your comment. Very helpful.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks for that comment. Blurb 3 seems to have struck a chord with more people (I’m sharing these through my own website and social media as well), but I quite like number 5 too. Who knows, I might take elements from both to come up with something else again!

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  7. I really like Blurb 3 that first sentence draws me in, and the following words I think make it sound even more intriguing. 👍😀

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for that, Charlie 😊

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks, Charlie. Making a choice is really useful, but backing it up with your reasons is even better. Much appreciated

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Interestingly I just purchased Borderline and other suggestions are Gerald Seymour (who I love, plantonically, of course 😂) So I am looking forward to it. By the way, do you have an Editor? I can recommend a supremo! 😉

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  8. #3 for me, Esther. It says a lot without saying too much …. just enough to want to read more (without the mention of bunnies and/or cowboys!) Good luck to your partner!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks ever so much for that, Nancy.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure, Esther! Sounds very interesting.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks, Nancy. There’s a reason for the Cowboy, but I did have reservations about including it in the blurb. And the less said about bunnies, the better…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s a pleasure to be included, Graeme. I’m looking forward to the read.

        Like

  9. nikidaly70 Avatar
    nikidaly70

    Book 2 – how exciting! I’m going to have to shove some more books under the bed to clear a space on my shelf…
    My thoughts:
    Overall, I liked no 5 best (it’s grittier which suits Rand)
    • To me a ‘Cowboy’ reminds me of dodgy builders who come along and diddle old ladies of their savings and I don’t see Rand in that way.
    • I wouldn’t call Rand a ‘bunny’ – unhappy or otherwise.
    • I like the line: ‘And farms aren’t the only places to keep livestock.’
    Blurb 5:
    For the last line, I wonder if you were to replace existing line with: ‘And farms aren’t the only places to keep livestock’, then it gives the blurb a little more edge and makes it tighter. It also makes your would-be reader want to know how that can be!
    And lastly: I love the cover!!
    And I bet this is all as clear as mud! 🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Nicola. I’m used to your clear as mud, so it’s absolutely fine 🤣🤣🤣 Seriously, all very helpful.

      Like

    2. Hi Nicola. You might recall, there is a reason why Cowboy could be relevant, but I did have doubts about including it in the blurb. Still, that’s why I’m asking for feedback.

      And mixing and matching lines from the various blurbs is definitely on the table!

      Glad you like the cover. As with Borderline’s cover, it feels very relevant when you read the book.

      Thanks for chipping in. all contributions welcome.

      Like

  10. I like blurb #3 best.

    The whole blurb is great, but I love the first line: ‘When the past comes calling, it’s the present that suffers’. It’s intriguing and makes me want to read the book.

    Good luck to Graeme.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks ever so much for that, Lynn.

      Like

    2. Thanks, Lynn. If one of them is making you want to read the book, it’s job is done!

      Like

      1. Or ‘its’ even. I need a new editor!

        Like

  11. As others have said, Blurb #3 attracts the most. 👌 It grabbed me from the first line!

    If you don’t trust the police, there’s only one place to go

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Many thanks, Debbie.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks, Debbie. I feel like there’s a leaning in that direction

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Esther, I’ve read these on and off over the past hour and agree with many others here -#3 pulls me, carries me through the blurb and powerful ending. I was just wondering – will there be full stops at the end of the sentences? It just a bit odd but maybe this is the style nowadays. Good luck to Graeme on his latest release.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your helpful feedback, Annika.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks, Annika. Number 3 is definitely getting the votes. As for your point about full stops, yes there will be. That’ll be in keeping with the style on Borderline. So you can sleep easy tonight knowing that it’ll be properly punctuated… 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, Graeme and blurbs are so tricky. btw. I’ve just picked up your ‘Borderline’ on kindle unlimited and look forward to reading it.

        Like

    1. Thank you for your thoughts, Di.

      Like

      1. You’re welcome

        Like

  13. Hi Esther and Graeme, I like three best. It is the one that is the most comprehensive to me. I feel like I know what I’m getting in the story from that blurb. All the best with finalizing your choice.

    Like

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