Thursday has come around again. Here is your new story challenge: can you tell a story in 56 words using the following words in it somewhere:
- HYENA
- CHEMIST
- MOBILE
- JIVE
- CHEESECAKE
The previous challenge was to write a story in 46 words using the following four words in it somewhere:
- HUMBUG
- SPAM
- FAIRY
- BUMPER
Here are your excellent stories:
Lou by the Sea:
Drama queen
I hit the brakes. The duck family crossed the road. Yes, I know it was the motorway. My bumper’s gone but nothing or nobody else. Drama queen – Do be quiet. We have spam sandwiches and humbugs for dessert. Chat to the fairy on the windscreen – better?
“This email—”
“Yes?”
“How can I tell if it’s spam?”
“Ask the Spam Fairies to test the link.”
“The Spam Fairies?”
“Yes, Humbug and Bumper, my go-to Spam Fairies.”
“Are they any good?”
“Does the Pope poop in the woods?”
Tony:
The city exudes an exquisite Fumisterie, scented with black incense and faded promises. In the sky saturated with luminous Spam, a wounded Fairy crosses the roofs, seeking a Parechoc against modern ugliness and our weary souls where slowly our splendid ideal putrells in the nocturnal silence.
Quick Fix
… and the fairy repaired his hanging bumper!
Randall sat straight up in bed.
“Humbug!” It had just been a dream. He was still broke and his car was still broken.
His brain had fallen for “Too good to be true” spam rather than problem-solving his dilemma.
Pete:
Rubber Humbug Fairy Bumper
Seeing as that was the intriguing heading on the email sent to me from an unknown email address; I had to ask myself…
“Self, is this spam or an ad for illegal subversive pixie dust?”
“Or just a poorly executed tongue twister?”
The flying fairy humbug found where a bumper crop of nectar flowers were located. He went onto social media to spam all his friends. He thought it was a good idea, but they were outraged, and shunned him, but still went to his hidden nectar flowers.
Susan Batten:
The publisher found my story about the grouchy “Humbug!” fairy in the Spam, but he put it in his bumper summer edition.
He was a humbug sort of guy, always a bumper in the republican caucus meetings, right on the edge of an independent. He didn’t believe a magical fairy godmother would suddenly descend on the radical speechifiers and turn their words of spam into a rib-eye steak.
As bumper pool champ, I was awarded what turned out to be a humbug. It was supposed to be an AI fairy that would do all my boring work. Turned out to be spam that emptied my bank account.
Ebeneezer always sucked a humbug to keep his breath fresh.
Flossing and toothpaste had done nothing to keep his teeth so the tooth fairy had left him a fortune over the years. He decided it was all spam and had a bumper sticker to say so!
Murray Clarke:
The warm, wet summer had produced a bumper crop of spam in Dickensian England. Ebenezer Scrooge sat at the table with his best friend, The Fairy Godmother, and took a bite of his spam sandwich.
“Bah, humbug!” he cried. “Never have I tasted something so awful!”
Bah humbug! said the fairy. She would have said worse as she rubbed her shin after walking into her car’s bumper following an emergency supermarket run. She actually had said worse when her leprechaun husband bought spam instead of ham after a session down the pub.
At the holiday fair, the fairy in glittered wings offered humbug sweets and canned spam from a gleaming bumper stall. Children laughed as the quirky vendor danced, turning everyday oddities into magic. In that moment, even unlikely treats felt like treasure under twinkling lights.
Look Back in Front
Ebenezer was stuck in a traffic jam. “I rather suck humbugs than eat spam” read the bumper sticker on the car in front, next to an iconic rainbow sticker. He looked over to Marley and grinned. “Either he’s a Monty Python fan or a bloody fairy!”
As the fairy sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic, she received a spam call, shouted, “Humbug!” At the windshield-for no one was in the car with her. Once she arrived at her home, she installed a spam blocker on her phone.
Humbugs and spam. What a delightful meal for a four toed
fairy.
Bumper sales were made in February when they first emerged from hibernation.
Flower fairies on the other hand prefer marigold pancakes. With olive oil. Bizarre! You never know with magical creatures. Goat mints anyone?
What of Sleeping Beauty Lived Today
The good 12th fairy chose the shiny bumper of a parked car to rest on her way to the castle. She took out her phone and scrolled through her feed. ‘Eew, spam and humbug,’ she sighed, completely forgetting about her invitation to the queen’s baby shower.
Still Winter
“Humbug,” said the birdie as she flew around the yard wildly. “I thought it was spring! Spammed yet again. Now there is a blizzard!” She saw her tiny fairy door and flew in at an astounding speed. Settling in. Just in time to watch Bumper Stumpers.
Ebenezer at the Pink Pony Club
I said, “Hello,” to the old man eating Spam.
He replied, “I’m not into bumper bears, bah humbug.”
I couldn’t believe my ears, “Ebenezer Scrooge, ya daft old fairy, tis I “Not So” Tiny Tim.”
He just stood there flabbergasted.
I said, “Your loss, old man.”
Time of the Season
The fairy queen opened her enchanted laptop and groaned. “Humbug! My inbox is full of spam again!”
Her assistant shrugged. “But, on the bright side, Your Majesty, mushroom season was a bumper crop.”
She closed the laptop and slipped on her gardening boots. Magic could wait.
“Humbug,” muttered Fairy the computer tech. The text was clear — client needs help — 1/2 day job. She’d expected a house, not a factory with a sign on the door:
BUMPER SPAM: Luncheon Meat Like No Other. Another text arrived — my bad, here’s the correct address…
Rall:
a bumper crop was forecast for this year
the rain ruined it all
Lot of AI spam floating about
costing banks billions of dollars
Lot of fairy tales and fake news also
bah humbug she does not believe
anything anymore
the world is completely…
Deposition To Congress
I wasn’t hiding who I am
I didn’t try to trick her
Everybody knows my name
It’s on every bumper-sticker
It’s humbug! Spam!
Fake-news! Scam!
A fairy wrote that letter!
I cannot claim
To know her name
I’d just as soon forget her
Lost in Japan… No, New York
In New York the Pogues sang,
Banishing humbug like sickly spam,
Heartbreaker Jim – identity lost,
Sat on a bumper car praying for a miracle,
finger crossed –
He whispered low in a distinctive twang,
Then a fairy appeared, said
‘Hey, man… Get your butt off my sedan!’
On Christmas Eve, a grumpy baker muttered humbug at every carol singer outside his shop. Then a fairy appeared, shimmering above a dented bumper, and transformed his stale spam sandwiches into feasts. Astonished neighbors gathered, and the baker finally tasted wonder instead of bitterness that night.
When Susie was younger she made Spam fritters but she stopped making them. She likes the occasional humbug though. This year she had a bumper crop of tomatoes, but she had to give lots away. One night the fairy in her garden knowingly winked at her.
A mischievous fairy slammed into my car’s bumper, shouting “Humbug!” at the sky as glitter rained everywhere. She accused me of clogging her forest inbox with human spam, then sighed, perched on my mirror, and admitted she just wanted someone to notice her magic again.
Spam Thoughts
Spam hits every inbox these days, I found myself thinking this morning.
Every era has known its humbug. Even Ravensfall had circulars and fairy cures promising bumper harvests and instant success. Distractions glittered. Noise persuaded. Humanity has always been tempted by easy promises.
the spam would cram
does to the electronic
wizard hum drum
hi ho what do you know?
a bumper crop
of malaise
each and every day
***
Esther Chilton 
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