Good afternoon, everyone. I hope your weekend was enjoyable whatever you did. Here’s your new limerick challenge. Your new word is
NIGHT
Last week’s prompt was CRIME. You came up with some really funny limericks, as well as some sobering ones:
Nicola Daly:
I arrived home in the nick of time
To see hubby committing a crime
So it’s grounds for divorce
As he was trying to force
In my bottle of white wine – a lime!
A boy liked to do crime,
He got caught every time.
He said with a smile,
‘I’ll try once more awhile,’
And ran off in no time.
Criminal Behaviour
I’ll be late home for tea because I’m
in the headmaster’s room doing time.
But who would report me
for calling Sir, Shorty?
Apparently, this was a crime.
Someone squealed on me. But who?
It’s a much greater crime in my view.
And when I find out
which snitch sold me out,
they’ll be squealing a different tune.
Consider this, my dodgy friend
Retribution will come in the end.
If you can’t do the time
Maybe don’t do the crime,
Either that, or prepare to be penned!
The Crime of Rhymeless Rhyme
Though some thought that it should be a crime
and it was, more or less, for the time
when dark poems with words
like loud ravenous birds
made no sense and much worse didn’t rhyme.
To be the master criminal creator of rhyme;
would immortalise my name for all time;
as the poet who wrote,
such fine words, and I quote,
‘His ditties were almost sublime.’
Kate in Cornwall:
Having not taken part for a time
A writer from Looe, past her prime
Realised with a yelp
Being lazy won’t help
Life is short; not to write, is a crime!
Susan Batten:
I never thought it was a crime
writing poems that don’t rhyme,
but they said that what was worse
was writing them in poor blank verse.
It’s clear I must adjust my style
for in that way, there’ll be no trial.
–
The crime was all over the town –
they’d stolen the king’s precious crown.
It had rolled down the stairs,
Hit the apples and pears,
Made the guard out to be a right clown.
Crime Free Limerick(s)
The crime of the century? Hate
(to which we should not relate).
Let’s love all the others
like sisters and brothers
and maybe we’ll salvage our fate.
But now that I think about it, I realize that (technically speaking) Hate is not a “crime”. So…
Time after time after time
the sewers released all their slime.
We’ve since moved away
and here’s where we’ll stay
(‘cuz avoiding that shit is no crime).
Not Funny
Mothers rushing to workplaces ‘on time’
Believe their efforts to be something sublime
Babes raised in daycare
Aren’t even aware
That their abandonment is a misguided crime.
There once was a crime quite divine,
Involving a piglet (a sneaky svine).
It stole just a dime,
Polished it to shine,
Then squealed, “It was art — not malign!”
There once was a man in his prime,
Who never committed a crime.
One day while he walked
To a radical he talked.
And that ended the no crime time.
Uncle Jack turned his back on his life of crime
Instead growing parsley, basil, sage and thyme,
Tomatoes in all colours and sizes
Won awards and hundreds of prizes
And their taste, it was said, was simply sublime.
Murray Clarke:
Imagine a world without any crime.
How wonderful would that be? Divine!
No knives or guns, no thugs on the streets.
That really would be such a marvellous treat.
And so, my dear friends, that’s the end of my rhyme.
When you get arrested for a crime
Expect to be sentenced to time
Behind bars in a cell
Where they’ll feed you well,
All on the taxpayer’s dime.
Olaf Sturlasson’s Poetry Corner:
There was a young man who did time
For committing a terrible crime
What he had done
Confused everyone
He’d just written a god awful rhyme
Morrisey’s on the Case
Detective Morrisey, sharp as a tack
Followed the thief down a shadowy track
“Your crime’s plain to see”
He bellowed with glee
And locked up the crook in a snap.
It’s a crime to write a limerick without a funny line
And even worse
to compose a verse
Without some semblance of a rhyme
Offenders should be forced to recite the poems of William McGonigle
After being taken into custody
by a poetic constable
A nefarious con-man mime
For his act he charged only a dime
While his audience sat transfixed
His partner in crime silently mixed
And his pick pocket hand left slime.
Hippedy the bunny committed an awful crime,
He stole all the carrots ahead of their time.
He fled past a tree,
While taunting a bee,
Now he’s serving hard time chewing celery slime.
Ribbit Hood!
There once was a frog so sublime,
Who planned to pull of a great crime,
He hopped in at dawn,
The cash was withdrawn,
Which met with disapproval and whines.
But this frog he was in his prime,
He'd robbed a bank before half past nine!
But with loot in his sack,
When he leapt quickly back
He landed in a pile of slime!
Pete Springer:
They say Betty Sue is still in her prime,
She told Steady Eddie, “Call me sometime.”
“I might just do that,” he said.
“Just so you know, I’ll never wed.”
“Try me again in the springtime.”
Squirreljan:
Limerick in Awe of Agatha
I need to know what makes a suspect prime
Should the clues indicate they did the crime
Poirot thinks so
Miss Marple ditto
My little grey cells are on overtime.
And is it a Crime?
If these things were a crime,
I’d be a criminal in their prime.
And, knowing me,
I can be all three…
Usually at the same time!
He said, “okay just one more time”
She offered her face so sublime
He bent for a kiss
Her lips he did miss
Disappointed, said “never mind”.
This morning I don’t have the time
To come up with a humorous rhyme
As I lay here in bed
I will give you instead
What a poet might view as a crime
And so I confess to such crime
And I’m sorry to take up your time
If I had half a brain
I would try it again
And write something truly sublime
Alas I can do no such thing
Nor can I dance, nor can sing
That would be a crime!
If I did pantomime!
(Though I’m willing to give it a fling).
Wilfred Leahy:
My boss nag nag nag me blind
So I dug a hole and filled it with lime
Then I committed the ultimate Crime.
I once did a heinous crime
I stomped on a tiny little lime
It shot up from my foot
Hit my mom on her “toot”
Her scream of shock was sublime!
Nobody’s Laughing at this Limerick
I think fraud may be the perfect crime
Prosecuted one-fourth of the time
You plead guilty, and then
a campaign donation
buys a pardon and life is sublime.
Rall:
he’s going to make it a crime
to berate him all of the time
the self appointed prince of peace
who still has all of his own teeth
to rip you to pieces if tried.
I hope to make a rhyme,
Of Esther’s chosen word, ‘crime’.
To form a limerick,
New phrases I’ll pick,
It challenges my brain every time.
The World Laughs at him, not with him
Out of his mouth all of the times
Malapropism Word Crimes
In his mouth we put a gag
The male equivalent of a slag
America’s Epitome of Slime.
Silly Dingus Magee
There was a crook named Dingus Magee,
Whose crime was absurd as could be.
He spent all his loot
On a very fine flute
But he couldn’t even play “Do-re-mi”!
Poetry – Christmas After Cabbage:
First Time Crime
On her hands she had far too much time
thus, unlikely to write a fine rhyme
she pondered wild scheme
visualized the scene’s scream
and with wicked glee planned her first crime!
crime in caught
doing time
and the deed
was from want
not need!
***
Image credit: Pinterest
Esther Chilton 
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