Happy Monday! I hope you’re all ready for your new limerick challenge. Your new word is
CRIME
Last week’s prompt was FARM. You came up with some brilliant limericks:
There’s been mutiny down on the farm,
and the cattle are calling for calm.
Since the cats went on strike
the rat presence has spiked
stealing chicken feed without a qualm.
I don’t want to cause you alarm,
But there’s mutiny down at the farm.
The sheep and the cattle
Are lined up for battle,
And the donkeys refuse to disarm!
There’s a farm in the valley that’s fine.
You can buy there fresh veggies and wine.
There are eggs there as well.
Though some critters may smell,
when there’s sun, then the sun loves to shine.
Nicola Daly:
‘I promise it won’t do any harm,’
He said, holding onto her arm
‘We’ll go through through this gate
As we don’t want to be late
To the orgy going on at the farm!’
As Yasgur’s Farm we were going to,
to see Jimi Hendrix, Joe Cocker, the Who,
CSN&Y,
Joan Baez, and CCR,
I wasn’t thinking about Limericks – nor would you?
Susan Batten:
I wanted to work on a farm,
thought a quiet life would do me no harm.
I could sleep in the hay,
Or watch cute sheep all day.
Only bulls would be cause for alarm.
No Sale
A city salesman who was quite proud of his charm
Went rural without the slightest alarm
Had faith he’d sell great
But a huge bull at the gate
Instead stomped him ’til he “bought the farm”.
There once was a farmer on a farm,
Who swore his old tractor had charm.
With mud on his boots,
And goats eating roots,
He laughed at the chaos and harm.
There once was an old school marm,
Who ate chicken caesar with parm.
She loved the taste,
And decided in haste,
To raise her chickens on a farm.
A silly fellow named Freddie,
Whose tractor was never quite steady.
He’d drive ‘round his farm,
With a pig on each arm,
Shouting, “Pork Chops for lunch, who’s ready!?”
Murray Clarke:
There once was man who lived on a farm
Who carried a firearm under his arm.
His name was Phil and he wanted to kill
But fed his pheasants on packets of Trill
Thus ensuring they stayed calm and came to no harm.
McDonald was oozing charm
As he strutted about his farm,
Til he slipped on a cowpat
Fell headfirst with a splat,
But his ego felt the most harm.
Olaf Sturlasson’s Poetry Corner:
There was a PM who did harm
Anyone who had a farm
He took the shirts of their backs
With inheritance tax
And incentives to give up their farm.
Love his Farm
Old Macdonald loved his farm
would count his stock all day
His sheep and cows crooned
at the smile of the moon
as he fed them without delay.
Fair Warning
The farm on the far side of town
grows a reefer that won’t let you down.
The buzz won’t go away
so you’ll stay high all day
and lose track of the limerick’s rhymes.
There was a jolly farmer who lived on a jolly farm
He loved to go to market and pull his trousers down
He was brought before a magistrate
For causing such alarm
And was asked in court to demonstrate
How he took his trousers down
now the jolly farmer and the magistrate
live together on the farm.
One day way out on the farm
Of a tornado there came a warn
So we got our camera out
Then we all began to shout
We’re going to be chicken parm!
***
The bumpkins didn’t know what to do
So around the farm yard they flew
Should we go hide
And slip down the slide
Or practice some hefty voo-doo.
There once was Old MacDonald’s farm,
With chickens and cows full of charm.
Each morning they’d sing,
“E-I-E-I” ring,
Such joy filled that bustling old farm.
The Cocky Cockerel
An audacious cockerel lived on a farm,
he crowed each morning with alarming charm,
He strutted with pride,
With hens by his side,
Till the sun cried, OK, that’s quite enough harm!’
I hope I can get mine in,
My hair it’s cut off and thin…
It would be sick
To write a dirty limerick,
So I’d better just pack it in!
Down on Junior’s farm I’m mixing lemons and lime
Adding some tequila has to improve this rhyme
Drinking this concoction all through the night
I’ll be skunked before the dawn shines it’s light
Another silly post of the challenges combined.
In a distance standing an old farm
The worker greets the buyers with charm
They buy eggs from him at a discount
He keeps some money in his cash account
Until the farmer shot him in both of his arms.
Life isn’t easy on a farm
For instance, I fell, broke my arm
The cow had such a kick
Milking no easy trick
She mooed loud but caused no alarm.
Out walking one day on the farm
She was told to stay still and stay calm
But it was too late
She’d left open the gate
And the bull had intentions of harm
“Oh, please Mr Bull, stay away
I’m just not your type anyway
But over there now
Is a pretty young cow
Why don’t you both go and play?”
Said the bull to the girl on the farm
“My dear show no fear, no alarm
It isn’t your ass
But this lovely green grass
To which I’m directing my charm.”
Wilfred Leahy:
Herd of cows called in the pub for a pint,
As well they my’t,
When staggering back to the farm
They were stopped by the farmer’s wife
Who shouted in alarm
“Where is my husband who’s running this farm
I hope he’s come to no harm.”
The leading cow then whispered in her ear
“Don’t fret yourself, my dear, he’ll be along he’s just finishing his beer.”
They went to the festival farm
The music was doing no harm
But the soaking mud
In which they stood
Was deep enough to cause some alarm!
On the Farm
When wintertime comes to the farm,
the animals head to the barn.
They bunk up together
in inclement weather,
watch movies, and snack on popcorn.
Rall:
always liked to chat and yarn
enjoyed his day out from the funny farm
sad that it has come to this
his humour and presence is very much missed
at least he’ll come to no harm
See How They Run
There once was a pig on a farm
Whose singing could rattle a barn.
She’d oink out an aria,
In a tone quite contraria,
And the chickens would flee in alarm!
There was no cause for alarm,
As I was designated to work on a farm.
The cows were obliging,
My vocal chords arising,
Kept them content, co-operative and calm.
Brotherly ‘love’ Down on the Farm
Hanging out
down Maggies Farm
Poked a bees nest,
an angry swarm
I ran, I ran
I slammed the door
Told lil Charlie
to go out for chores
100 angry bees done
stung his arm
They told us GMO would help the farm,
But it subtly brought much harm.
Health has been undersold,
Food is corrupted and controlled
And still few are sounding the alarm.
farm on his freeway
and giving him no leeway
the cheque was fat
but he was rich
moan complain bitch
***
Image credit: Pinterest
Esther Chilton 
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