Happy Monday! I hope you all had a good weekend. Here’s your new limerick challenge:
SLEIGH
Last week’s prompt was CANDY. You came up with some limericks to entertain:
I was young, I was brash, I was randy
To my girl I presented my candy
But when I offered to teach
Her tricks down on the beach
She said, “No. Not down there. It’s too sandy.”
Nicola Daly:
There once was a girl called Candy
Ditched her one-night stand called Randy
So did he not light her flame?
Nor live up to his name?
‘No,’ she said. ‘His legs are just too bandy.’
Sweet Treat
With words, she did not bandy
Her wares, plentiful and handy
So many were glad
To enjoy what she had
Naturally, her name was Candy.
Uncommon Sense
I once warned a young fellow named Randy
That the “vaccine” might not truly be ‘dandy.’
He got it in spite
Now he’s not feeling ‘right’
Claims he got it ‘cuz it came with free candy!
Time to bring down the baubles again.
In the box are some old candy canes
left behind on the tree
last year… longer, maybe.
Fido jumped for one. Few teeth remain.
The holiday season means there will be candy.
For confectioners, I’m sure that’s fine and dandy.
For those selling the stuff
We can’t buy enough…
They must think candy will make us feel randy!
Sweet Candy
Though I used to think candy was sweet,
well, it is and it was. I could eat
my fair share of the stuff
even more than enough
even more than my share. It’s so sweet.
Cinematically, it was brain candy.
As a drink, it was lemonade shandy.
No discernible plot,
Did it thrill? It did not!
Yet it left me mysteriously randy!
–
Can I say what I found really handy?
A new lighter to warm up my brandy.
Now this you should know,
Don’t gulp, sip it slow.
You could end up like Andy Pandy!
‘Candy is dandy!’ said Mandy to Andy,
‘It makes me feel randy.’ admitted Shandi to Sandy;
‘Too much and you cry,
Not enough and you sigh,
but just right, and it’s recommended by Gandhi.’
His toothless girlfriend named Mandy
Always hankering for candy
Lost all of her teeth
Ate too many sweets
Never bothered him, her Andy.
She knew that her downfall was candy
Until she ran into that Randy
He was sweeter than sweets,
Made her heart skip a beat
Her hat was now set on that dandy.
Susan Batten:
I set out to make Christmas candy,
intended to make hubby randy.
When I left it to stew
it turned into pink goo,
wish I’d left out that old tin of shandy.
–
Christmas candy’s the thing
if you’re having a fling,
There is nothing like candy for fun,
it puts pep on your side
gets you into your stride.
It’s the candy to make motors run.
–
The candyfloss fairy’s the thing –
She’s a princess dressed up as a king,
so we went to her show,
being all in the know,
but one thing she can’t do is sing.
There once was a fellow name Randy,
Who favored himself as a dandy.
He had a big smile,
causing worries all while,
He kept eating licorice candy.
Reece’s
Bearing chocolate came a Dandy
Skippy Suzie always handy
Down at the seashore
Tried merging once more
But only got sandy candy.
With my little stick of Blackpool Rock
Candy floss, fluffy like a sheep flock
Each sweet treat
Makes my heart beat
Faster and my arteries block!
Murray Clarke:
I know a naughty word that rhymes with candy
But I won’t be using it – that’s far too handy!
There’s a man who’s “formerly known as Prince”,
He used to be royal and liked his drinks!
And now, my friends, he’s simply known as “Andy”!
He thought it would come in handy
Having a surplus of festive candy
On the sled Christmas Eve
Tucked up high in his sleeve
So he didn’t have to share it with Randy.
When I was a child I felt quite dandy
Sugar levels rocketed by unchecked candy
I ran and laughed throughout my youth
Living my life with a grand sweet tooth
Until I tried my new favorite, shrimp scampi
Like candy, the Market entices
We all want great stocks at low prices
Don’t let that hyped feeling
Send your budget reeling
Invest smart, avoid betting vices.
Olaf Sturlasson’s Poetry Corner:
Barry Manilow sang about Mandy
John Travolta he sang about Sandy
Bow Wow Wow they did sing
About a very sweet thing
With the words of the song I want candy.
A kilted jock called Sandy
deep-fried all his candy
With his sporran full of batter,
he was making Scotland fatter
Deep-frying Mars bars and Maltesers
Crème Eggs, Bounty bars, and Snickers,
while wearing his kilt
without any knickers.
Rall:
there once was a guy called andy
who had a great love of candy
the dentist said stop
or your teeth will rot
good teeth can come in handy
Ogden Nash said, “Candy is dandy,”
But liquor, he claimed, is more handy.
It’s quicker, by heck,
To make you a wreck –
Far wiser to stick with the candy!
Just Like Candy
Trent said success is sweet, “like candy!”
I sang sweetly, not blandly.
With a voice medium strong,
I belted a line from Cameo’s song,
“Yes it is!- Just like can-day, canday!”
A Boy Named Andy
I’m dating a boy named Andy,
who brings me chocs and sweet candy,
We kiss under the moon
and we cuddle and spoon
on a beach that is scratchily sandy.
Fine and Dandy
Andy devoured so much candy
Feeling oh so fine and dandy
Till the cavities came
And the Dentist exclaimed
“Andy my boy, I’m outta Novacain thankfully I keep a bottle of brandy handy!”
I once had a naughty little brother
Who ate my candy canes one after another
But now that they’re gone
I’ll order more from Amazon
And hope brother gets a spanking from mother.
Mandy ate candy all day
When asked what she had to say
“I eat the sweet,
’cause I don’t like meat.
Now gimme another tray or you’ll pay.”
There once was a man named Fred
who couldn’t keep snacks out of his head,
He tried meditation
with so much frustration
That he just took his candy to bed.
There was a sneaky nurse called Yvonne
who kept boasting to her friends on the phone:
“I can trick that old lady
like taking candy from a baby!” –
sounding more like with no kids of her own.
Little Bit-O-Honey
There once was a holiday dandy,
Whose pockets were stuffed full of candy.
He danced through the night
Dressed in tinsel so bright,
Keeping all of his sweets very handy!
Her name was Candy, so sweet,
With laughter that skipped down the street.
She danced in the rain,
Left joy in her train,
And life felt like sugar each beat.
I have a cat named Sandy,
Whose partial to a bar of candy.
However, her teeth,
Are coming to grief.
The vet’s going to come in handy.
And one from last week’s prompt BORING
There’s nothing so acutely boring,
As a husband perpetually snoring.
My nerves are in pieces,
Till he awakes and it ceases.
Wicked thoughts in my head I am storing.
***
Image credit: Freepik
Esther Chilton 
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