I hope you all had a lovely weekend. Not many more until Christmas – eek! Anyway, let’s forget about that for now. Here’s a new limerick challenge. Your new word is
SHOPPING
Last week’s prompt was SCALE. You came up with some great limericks:
Nicola Daly:
When the old man drank whisky and ale
He’d tell everyone he was hearty and hale
Then he lifted his kilt
Said, ‘See how well I’m built
Wouldn’t you say that’s a 10 on the scale?’
Letting the Scale Wait
He hoped that his weight had gone down
‘til he stepped on the scale with a frown.
He’d gotten no fatter
but it just didn’t matter:
almost all of his toenails were brown.
He stood there, embarrassed but quiet;
stopped giving a shit about diet.
Afraid of derision,
he made his decision:
His wife had some polish. He’d try it.
He painted his nails and he smiled.
He thought they looked good (kinda wild!)
He’d hidden the brown
so he danced all around
like a chubby but happy young child.
It’s the season of my spreading ass
But thankfully, it soon will pass,
Because when I regale
The horror story of my scale…
it redefines “critical mass!”
Whale On Scale For Sale
There once was a scale on sale
and a guy who weighted more than a whale.
He decided to see
what he weighed needlessly
and then that was the end of the scale.
Scales are what we use today,
Continuously learning to play
A piano by ear
Leading students to fear
Every harsh word their tutor might say.
All political careers…
Where once [*] topped the ‘most popular’ scale
He’s now been marked down as a fail
Sad to relate,
What sealed his fate
Is he’s a male, pale, and very stale…
*insert one of your choosing from Tone, Gordon, David, Boris, Keir…
It is true that success has no scale,
Yet many weigh it by a money trail.
But contentment is in our song,
In the heart, from working strong –
from keeping the right air in our sail.
Lately I’ve been feeling like a whale
I wish I could afford a brand new scale
But then I’d know
And on a diet I’d go
So for now, I’ll just try to curtail.
The scales of the fish
ought not be on a dish
but to be
in the sea,
is all that I wish.
Stepping on her cheeks turned white pale
Shocked at something wrong with this scale
She stepped off real quick
Poked it with a stick
The scale read was written in braille!
Tub Toy
On Amazon, I spied a toy in a bathtub “on sale”,
So, I ordered my baby that cute little blue whale.
When the mailman got tired,
A forklift was hired.
I’d been tricked by the industrial vat used for scale!
There once was a man from Vale,
Who’s doctor said resembles a whale.
Each appointment he took,
Had the staff very shook.
Hoping he would not crush the scale.
It’s the week of the Black Friday sale,
And my spending is right off the scale.
‘Cos I do love a deal,
Though it’s odd, you might feel,
That I bought an inflatable whale.
The scale of the property “immense”
It even had a ten mile fence…
With lakes and trees
And a hive for bees
The sale of the palace was tense…
***
I went for a walk with a friend
Their knowledge I wanted to lend
But the scale of my thought
Was not very well sought
She said I was right round the bend!
Murray Clarke:
Murray stepped onto the bathroom scales.
What he saw made him feel a little frail:
Under eight stones was not a good feeling-
He looked so gaunt and his skin was peeling!
But, after a Full English breakfast, he resembled a whale.
Scale is a measure of size,
Sometimes it’s quite a surprise,
Being big, fat or thin
Who knows where to begin
To make perfection the prize.
My horse eats his hay by the bale
He looks like a newly born whale
The vet will be mad
at the food that he’s had
And refuse to put him on a scale
I play the pianos grand scale
It sounds more like a bucket and pale
I’ll need lessons soon
To play one good tune
Or put the piano for sale
In the mirror I look like a whale
When I walk I leave a deep swale
I just have to stop
So the pounds can then drop
Before I put my foot on a scale
It’s Curtains for you, Dexter!
His zoomies led Dexter to scale
the curtain, where he caught a nail.
It caused a big tear.
Jen soon started to swear
and Dexter thought best to turn tail.
as a child I could scale up a tree
without bruising or scraping a knee
now my hip gives me jip
makes me trip and then slip
on the leaves that have fallen like me.
The Golden Dragon
There once was a dragon so bold,
With scales made of shimmering gold,
He soared through the skies,
With a sparkle in his eye,
And stories of treasures untold.
Now a fierce knight full of might,
Set out to capture him one night,
He aimed at the beast,
But the dragon, at least,
Just laughed – that gave him quite a fright!
Olaf Sturlasson’s Poetry Corner:
There was a young woman called Jen
Who had a terrible taste in men
Her friends rated them all
The short and the tall
On a scale from one to ten.
A young salmon swimming upriver
leapt high, making fishermen shiver.
The bright sunlight flashed
on its scales, as it dashed
to its mate with new life to deliver.
Beethoven
The descending scale of the notes that he wrote,
da da da dum
da da da dum
Would eventually become
Via the BBC
notes for Europe’s oppressed
to arise and resist
Their dark days of tyranny.
“Let me tell you a tale,” I’d regale,
Of a fish with a shimmering scale;
It danced in the light,
Such a glittering sight,
As it splashed its way off down the vale.
There once was a great big snail
So huge he tipped the scale
When they went to weigh him
It was chaos and mayhem
And in the end it was a fail.
Heavy!
He stepped upon the scale
“25 stone!” he began to wail
How can that be?
I only drink high tea!
And delicious pastries, how can I fail?
The bathroom scale doesn’t lie.
You step on. The numbers don’t try
to comfort or spare you
just measure what’s there. You
step off. The truth doesn’t die.
He failed to wow me on our first date
On a scale of one to ten I’d rate
Him a humble three
But he soon grew on me
Now he’s my one true love, my soulmate.
With holidays around the bend
sugar and spices make a great blend
though calories will prevail
so stay off the scale
in the new year, you will amend.
The mountain I intended to scale,
Last moment I decided to bale,
I was so ashamed,
My enthusiasm had wained.
Come on girl, get back on the trail.
A dragon went out for some pampering fare.
“Please file my nails with the greatest of care!
They are really quite long,
Chipped and cracked … it’s just wrong!
And my scales should be polished with flair!”
***
Image credit: Pinterest
Esther Chilton 
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