I hope you had a good weekend. It’s feeling very autumnal here in the UK. Here’s a new limerick challenge for you – your word is:
FUNNY
Last week’s prompt was WEIGH. You came up with some very good limericks:
Kate In Cornwall:
Try as they may, they could not make Kay say
How many ounces and pounds she did weigh
She was a weeny bit chubby
But when she asked her hubby
He told her he adored her that way.
A Weighty Problem
“That was fun!” the tubby children would say.
“No way!” the grumpy donkeys would bray.
“Come on! What the heck?!
“Does nobody check
“How much these fat, little brats really weigh?!”
The new scale she bought yesterday
has said what she feared it would say.
She should lose one or two
maybe more than a few
of the pounds that it said she might weigh.
The more I think about how much I weigh
The less in the matter do I have to say
So if I think less
Will I be blessed
And lose weight in some miraculous way?
Squirreljan:
Evil scales are screaming at me
“Stand on me and weigh, you fatty”
So I eat my pie
For it is no lie
Being hungry makes me ratty.
There once was a lady named May,
Who asked another to stay.
They soon got to talking
All about walking.
Till the word ‘weigh’ ended the day.
I get on the scales every day
To see how much more I now weigh,
The needle grinds round
With a whimpering sound
There is little much left to say.
*
I breathe in and the scales start to quiver,
Or is that my skin all a-shiver
I’ve lost two whole pounds,
Oh, one foot’s on the ground,
Blushing, oops, well I never!!
She was weighed in the balance
And they could see with a glance
She was worth her weight
So after a lengthy wait
She was given gold, finances enhanced!
I like having some fun in the middle of the day
Paranoia is shown, on my pets mind it does weigh
I scare my kitten using my ooga horn to honk
I roll in laughter when she does her special pronk
She doesn’t like it when I put her on the spot
So I confuse her more with my green laser dot
A hairline above where she can jump up the wall
Driving her crazy by pointing it down the hall
I place some catnip down and watch her twitch
She wiggles her nose as it seems to have a big itch
When all is said and done she climbs up on my lap
Starts her special purring before taking another nap
There was a rich lady called Fay,
who had booked a flight to Bombay
She packed quite a lot
just forgetting her yacht
“OK now, how much does it weigh?”
To a portly woman he asked, “How much do you weigh?”
She looked at him with an expression of dismay
His face turned a bright red
He asked, “Was it something I said?”
She answered, “What an inappropriate thing for you to say.”
A Goose Named Ray
There once was a goose named Ray
Who worried about what he’d weigh.
He stood on the scale,
Turned feather and tail,
And honked, “I must diet today!”
Joe hated days having to weigh
Coach never looked the other way
He was up two pounds
Missed the lightweight rounds
Went home eating rest of the day.
There once was a lass who did weigh
each morsel she ate every day
she thought that her form
would make the men swarm
but she gave it up one day for a buffet.
Olaf Sturlasson’s Poetry Corner:
A young man who decided to weigh
His pet on a sunny day
Searched all the nation
For a whale weigh station
That didn’t expect him to pay.
How can I enjoy leisure and play
With problems arriving each day?
Oh, the weight of it all
Could lead to my downfall—
So I just don’t bother to weigh.
I just took my cat to the vet.
The doc said, will you look at that!
How much do you weigh,
the vet started to say
before my cat knocked the man flat.
Giant’s Feathers
A gentle giant loved a display
He’d weigh feathers all night and all day
Although he plucked them with care
It turned out a nightmare
‘Cause in the wind they just wouldn’t stay.
Dear old Auntie Agatha May
Headed off to the church to pray
She saw young Mr Finn
With a vast cask of gin
And said, “Gosh, how much does that weigh?”
Dionysus’ Bowman
Dionysus’ ego was greatly deflated,
And all of his god-bros- sorely agitated,
When the ink on his Bowman
Wasn’t writ in Greco-Roman,
And their charms tipped more scales than their weight did.’
Be Sure They Respect Your Value And Worth
You asked me how much I weigh,
And became angry when I refused to say.
But if my value and worth
Are determined by my girth,
Then you are not the one for me anyway.
I’m all skin and bone people say
But I’m adamant I should weigh
A whole lot less
And must confess
I wont stop till my dying day.
Weigh the anchor
Trim the sails
Were bound for the high seas
hunting for whales
theyl’ll be barrels of whale oil
and blubber to boil
Thre’ll be liver for breakfast
And whale steaks for tea
set sail for the ocean
to harvest the sea
Baker’s Lament
A baker quite plump, round and hale,
Feared stepping up on his scale.
“It shows that I weigh
More than yesterday!”
He’d declare with a sorrowful wail.
A carnival barker sang ‘get on – get on’
Come sit a spell and rest your bone
It might just be your lucky day
Let me guess how much you weigh
Then he insulted me with 16 stone.
And with last week’s prompt SPELL:
When I was young I learned to spell
In all things words I always did well
But give me some math
I’ll go down the wrong path
‘Cause me and numbers just don’t jell.
I train in the rain, day by day,
Is it working? What do I weigh?
I weigh myself readily,
Is it coming off steadily?
Nay, chocolates, I can’t keep at bay.
***
Esther Chilton 
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