Esther Chilton

It’s time for the next instalment of my building work diary, telling the tale of when I had a loft conversion a few years ago.

If you missed the story so far, here are the earlier days:

Day One

Day Two

Days Three and Four

Days Five and Six

Days Seven, Eight, Nine and Ten

The Easter holidays. Peace reigns.

Day Eleven

The first half hour is spent with Clive telling me that he opted for the pub over the optician and spent most of the weekend either ‘getting wasted’ or racing around in his Golf V6, which has blacked out windows. Thankfully it doesn’t sound like he did both at the same time.

I manage to put both of them off both marriage and women for life when my antique jug and bowl is knocked off the shelf in the bedroom by the sheer amount of banging from the attic. Said jug and bowl smash. Am upset as they’re precious pieces. My mad, hysterical emotional woman act has them coming to check I’m okay. I show Stu the damage as I’m unable to speak. He stares at me, looks scared to death and runs away.

It’s only when I walk into the bathroom and see myself in the mirror that I realise I’ve cut myself and clearly touched my face, which is covered in blood. That might explain why both Stu and Clive avoid me for the rest of the day.

Day Twelve

I apologise and try and explain to them both that I overreacted yesterday and was overemotional.

“Me bird gets like that sometimes, though we ain’t got no antiques,” Clive informs me.

Des, the plumber, arrives not longer after. Yes, things are moving along, so I can’t complain. Though I can complain about the smell emanating from Des. The word sewer comes to mind and by the time Des leaves, the whole house smells like one.

Clive comes to talk to me. “There’s a great big nail sticking through yer ceiling, but it’ll be all right. I thought the whole ceiling was gonna be well smashed up at one point.”

Great.

They’re just about pack up for the day when Clive appears, ashen-faced. “You’ve gotta do somethin’. There’s water comin’ out yer overflow!”

As I haven’t done a plumbing course I’ve not the fainest idea what to do. Perhaps turning the water off will work. But what then? Luckily, the cascade gradually eases off of its own accord. Phew!

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