Esther Chilton

Here’s days three and four in the next instalment of my building work diary, telling the tale of when I had a loft conversion a few years ago.

If you missed the story so far, here are days one and two:

Day One

Day Two

Day Three

No one turned up. I wasn’t in the slightest bit annoyed. Not at all. Not even when I couldn’t get through to the office.

Day Four

The van pulled up at 8am. I went to the door, ready to welcome the workers. But something told me not to open the door and to wait for them to come to me. Half an hour later, one of them emerged and rang the bell.

“‘allo. My name’s Clive and Stu’s the one hidin’ in the van,” a twelve-year-old said to me.

Well, he obviously wasn’t twelve, but he looked no older. Though he was right about one thing — Stu certainly seemed to be hiding in the van.

“Don’t worry about ‘im. He’s a bit shy. He’ll come out when he’s ready. I hope you don’t mind, but we like to sit and read the paper for half an hour before we start,” Clive said, shuffling from side to side. “That’s why we didn’t come and knock on your door straight away.”

He started to giggle, and I began to wonder what on earth my loft was going to look like once they’d got their hands on it. I forced myself not to ask questions like Have you ever done a loft conversion before? And Are you bunking off school?

Instead I asked, “Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?”

It was coffee all round and Clive set to work.

Stu eventually got fed up with playing hide and seek and slunk out of the van, giving me my first glimpse of him. If Clive was twelve, then Stu was eight — at a push.

Shortly after, the supervisor turned up – all 6ft 8 of him, with his 4ft 3 sidekick in toe. I started to wonder if this was all part of a set up and someone was about to leap out and say, “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!”

***