Here’s the next episode in my building work diary, telling the tale of when I had a loft conversion a few years ago.
If you missed the story so far, here are the earlier days:
Days Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven and Twelve
Days Thirteen, Fourteen and Fifteen
Days Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty and Twenty-one
Day Twenty-Two
No surprise – the second fit bloke doesn’t turn up.
Day Twenty-Three
A chap turns up – he doesn’t tell me his name, just that “I’m from Reading. Been told to do yer second fit as Romeo can’t do it cos of ‘is hand and stuff.”
I presume the guy’s name isn’t really Romeo and I decide not to ask about what ‘stuff’ refers to and settle with making him a cup of coffee.
As I’m walking up the stairs, I hear him talking to his girlfriend on speaker. “Love you, babe.”
“Love you, too, darlin’.”
“Love you lots, babe.”
“Love you lots, too, darlin’.”
I clear my throat and put the coffe cup on the floor and leave him to it.
It’s hours later that I notice his van has gone. He’s clearly packed up for the day. The front door’s been left wide open and there’s mud all over the kitchen floor, together with plasterboard debris. I rather think he should be bestowed with the name Romeo as he clearly had other things on his mind.
Day Twenty-Four
Three plasterers turn up at 7 am, all in good spirits.
One of them knows Clive, otherwise known as ‘Conversation Clive’, because it was a nightmare talking to him. I’m glad it wasn’t just me. Apparently his brother works for the same company and is just like him. They used to work together, but drove everyone mad. I don’t even want to think about there being two Clives.
They tell me about the time they were all offered apples from the tree of a property they were working on. Everyone had an apple bar Clive, who said:
“No, thanks. I don’t like apples from trees. I only like them from Sainsbury’s.”
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Esther Chilton 
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