I hope you’ve all had a good week. Here’s my latest challenge for you:
Option one: Write a limerick with the word TEETH in it somewhere
Option two: Write a poem on the theme of WAR
Option three: Write a twenty-word story using all of the following words: PRINCE CHARMING, GANGSTER, BALLET, APOCOLYPSE and CHUFFED
Last week option one was to write a limerick with the word KNIT featuring in it somewhere. Here are the wonderful results:
Bumba is first up with a very witty limerick:
She said write a poem with knit in it
I couldn’t decifer the wit in it
A limerick that’s clean
Has never been seen
and I ain’t nit picking bout knittin, maam.
–
Keith Channing is such a genius at these:
My Mum used to spend her days sitting
Just watching the telly and knitting.
She prayed for her sins
With the click-clack of pins
And that’s what she called baby-sitting!
Some folk like to waste their time flitting
While my days I pass mostly knitting.
I get a bad itch
When I see a dropped stitch,
The whole business is quite unremitting.
Three years I spent trying to knit
A solitary garment to fit
My ungrateful child
Who’s totally wild;
A thoroughly bad-tempered ****
We bought a full half-ton of yarn
To knit something the size of a barn
For my auntie, who’s large;
As big as a barge.
Too much rice with her chile con carne!
If you think that last rhyme was quite tenuous
Here’s another, but this time more strenuous.
Words you can rhyme with knit
Include quit, spit and Brit;
But they all give ideas disingenuous.
–
Lynne Hallett sent in this hilarious offering:
With my needles I sat down to knit,
A sweater to make me look fit,
But the arms were too long
And the body all wrong,
So I ended up looking a twit!
–
It’s great to welcome Graeme Sandford back with his unique wit and limericks with a difference:
Not My Knit Limerick #1
This is not my Knit Limerick at all
It is absolutely not like it in any way, shape or form
In fact
To use tact
They are quite dissimilar in that my knit Limerick rhymes properly and follows the proper Limerick format.
Knit Limerick #1 proper
To knit is a wondrous thing
When your needles go clickety-cling
And pearl one you go
To a pattern, you know
And knitting compares to you in the Spring.
My Not a Knit Limerick
aka Knot a Nit Haikool
You can knot up a nit with a trick Limerick
If he’s counting the lines just increase ’em
If he’s looking for rhymes don’t include ’em
If he’s looking for sense, make it 50 shades of dense
The sense of ‘that’ will soon elude ‘im
But most of all, make ‘im look a fool
By calling it an ‘aikool’
And tell ‘im they’re great
He should write ’em at rate
And then watch as he tries
It’s like catching mince pies
When you’re blindfolded and nobody throws ’em
So, watch him struggle wiv
Them words, the daft spiv…
And then apologise (who’s the knit, now)
As you read the splendid words wot he just writ
And how.
–
David Harrison entertains with two limericks:
A lady called Jessica Twitt
For her husband a sweater did knit
But it was too big
Would have fitted a pig
Her hubby said “Twitt’s about it!”
Having no decent everyday kit
A shirt Cecil decided to knit
It was big as a coat
Grabbed Cec round the throat
His mates all laughed “You’re a great nit!”
–
Option two was for a poem on the theme of sunshine.
Jason Moody wrote a beautiful poem:
You kiss my skin
and my mind drifts away
To places so far
I’ll visit one day
Early each morning
You sparkle so bright
and later each day
You bid us goodnight
You paint with your pallet
Golds, yellows and red
You gave us the rainbows
that dazzle overhead.
Your the subject of song
And often a rhyme
Some sci-fi films
Some bad, some sublime.
The ancients worshipped you
To them, you’re devine
But to me, you’re the sun
Please continue to shine.
–
Your final option was for a twenty-word story using all of the following words: BEAUTY, DRUNK, CRACKERS, CHEESE, LADDER and PIQUANT. I love your stories:
EDC Writing sent in a clever story:
Missed a challenge, must be crackers, maybe drunk, stuck up a ladder? Hard cheese beauty, next one tasty piquant even.
–
Jason Moody had fun with four:
“These camembert cheese crackers are wonderfully piquant,” said Sleeping Beauty.
She was drunk. Her tights also had a ladder.
–
The piquant cheese sat atop the ladder, drunk on beauty and the smell of crackers. She was a tad pretentious.
–
Crackers, piquant cheese and a drunk hostess. The party was a beauty. Jamie, ladder in her tights was passed out.
–
Climbing the ladder to eat his piquant cheese crackers, Geoff spied a drunk beauty in the park opposite the house.
–
Helen Jones‘ story is absolutely brilliant:
‘Let us get drunk, my piquant beauty. We have crackers and cheese-‘
‘And a ladder?’
‘That’s for later, spicy one.’
–
Lynne Hallett‘s is also highly amusing:
Beauty, eating her piquant cheese on crackers, awaited the… CRASH! She had told Beast never to climb a ladder drunk.
–
David Harrison’s made me smile:
Beauty told the beast to get off the ladder. “You’re crackers eating that piquant cheese up there. You’re horribly drunk!”
–
Ladyleemanila has used a combination of all three challenges for hers:
https://ladyleemanila.wordpress.com/2016/04/08/my-weekly-writing-challenge-knit-sunshine-drunk/
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Esther Chilton 
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